For decades women have been stuck in a pleasure purgatory: To be, or not to be (sexual). We receive mixed messages; we’re told to be sexy, even to have sex, but are often shamed for our sexual expression.

Society has been known to oversexualize us while refusing to let us take ownership of that sexuality. The funny thing is, it was never anyone else’s to give or to take away; women have always been sexual beings who can enjoy sex and experience pleasure, and we don’t need anyone’s permission or approval to do so. Newsflash ladies: You alone are the owner of your sexual nature. You are the most important participant in your own sex life, the master of your sexual pleasure, and you owe it to yourself to learn what that means.

First, you need to understand yourself as a sexual being — this means sifting through all your preconceived notions of how you’re “supposed to be” and figuring out who really you are. What turns you on? How do you experience pleasure? And what can you be doing to experience more?

Once you’ve done some sexual soul searching, it’s time accept and embrace yourself for the sex goddess that you are. No matter what excites you or how you pursue it, it’s important to recognize that you are in charge of your sexual destiny. You control how you explore it and how you experience it.

The final step to owning your sexuality is to stop being ashamed of it and start expressing it. It’s okay to like sex and to enjoy having it, as long as you’re doing it for you. You have an inalienable right to pleasure, and no one can take that away from you.

At the end of the day, the only person who can awaken your inner sex goddess is you, so here are 4 tips to help you on your journey to sexual awakening:

Take Your Pleasure Into Your Own Hands

The female body is hard-wired for sexual pleasure. There are parts of you that have one purpose and one purpose alone: To make you feel mind-blowingly awesome. So when I say to take your pleasure into your own hands, I’m being 100% literal. Let your fingers do the walking!

Research shows that women who masturbate frequently are more sexually confident and have more satisfying sex lives, proving that if you want something done right, you should absolutely get in there and do it yourself. Once you know you’ve got the formula for great solo sex, you can stop relying on someone to bring home the O’s. And hey, if your partner can actively participate in the process, you might just keep this person around.

Think Outside the Sex Box

Stepping outside your comfort zone in any aspect of your life inevitably leads to personal growth, and your sex life is no exception. Outside of your safe little sexual box is a veritable pleasure buffet — how can you possibly know what your favorite flavor is if you’ve only ever sampled one or two?

The process of sexual discovery involves indulging in an array of new experiences and exploring completely new taste profiles. You might not like every new thing you try, and that’s perfectly fine. Whether these adventures open you up to sexy new sensations or bring you a newfound fire for your old favorites, you will learn who you are and what you like in the process.

Ask For What You Want

Once you’ve figured out what your inner sex goddess really needs, it’s time to make sure those needs get met. Unless your partner is skilled in the art of ESP, the only way to do that is by speaking up! Think about it, you’ve only just now discovered that your pleasure matters, but your partner is still completely in the dark. So it’s up to you to shed some light, right?

If something isn’t working for you, or there’s something you’ve been dying to try, it’s now your job to tell him – no, SHOW HIM – how it’s done. Too many women take a backseat to their partner’s sexual pleasure, then complain when they’re not happy with where they’ve ended up. Lucky you, you’ve done your homework; you know what you want. All it takes are six little words: “Now let’s try it like this..”

Bring Your Own Condoms

There exists a disturbing double standard that keeps women at a constant sexual disadvantage: We’re encouraged, nay expected, to engage in regular sex with men, but we are not supposed to carry our own condoms. Take a moment to let that sink in… Now disregard it completely.

For those of us who enjoy sex and regularly participate (for our own pleasure, of course), there is absolutely no excuse for not being prepared. After all, can you really trust a guy to keep your sexual safety in mind when most of them still think sex is all about them? No, as the brand new owner of your sexuality, you know better. You know that your pleasure and your safety are your responsibility, and condoms are the key to your erotic enjoyment. If any potential partner doesn’t agree, his services will be no longer needed. Plenty of other princes out there will pleasantly surprised that you brought your own glass slipper, and will be happy to show you their appreciation… All night long.

About The Author

Dr. Emily Morse

Emily Morse is a sexologist with a doctorate in human sexuality, and is the host of the top downloaded podcast, Sex With Emily. Emily is cofounder of Emily & Tony, the author of Hot Sex: Over 200 Things You Can Try Tonight, and a weekly cohost of Loveline With Dr. Drew Pinsky.

 

 

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