So you love nothing more than being bent over and spanked senseless on a Sunday afternoon. More power to you! You’ve identified your kink and you’re sticking with it – but wait!

There’s more to being a good sub than letting someone do whatever they want with you. Submissives are strong in their willingness to give themselves up and hand their safety and wellbeing wholly over to another for a certain amount of time. They possess as much power as their Dom – and with this power comes responsibility.

A great sub learns to exercise their power in a way that befits the role. That is, they learn the true strength in being a sub.

This comes first in the choosing; a great sub won’t play with those who seek to belittle or undermine; they will only play with Doms that have shown themselves to be worthwhile partners. They will always safeguard their own health and wellbeing and won’t be chided into unsafe situations. They will choose play partners that compliment and challenge their own roles, allowing them to grow beautifully in their own BDSM experience.
It’s easy to think that it’s only the Dom that is responsible for the well being of those involved in a scene. It’s not; everyone involved has an equal role. A Dom should be someone that you respect and aspire to, and someone that can be in control of a situation no matter how intense it gets, but as the submissive, you also play an important role in ensuring everyone’s safety and enjoyment.

You should make sure that your Dom is aware of your physical and mental state at any time. If you have certain triggers, or physical vulnerabilities, or if you have boundaries that should not be pushed under any circumstances, you should make this clear.

A good submissive takes care of their own mental stability. You should not become a submissive because you are waiting for someone to save you – nor because you want to allow a Dom to save themselves through using you. Real life is not like 50 Shades of Grey. BDSM is a mutually beneficial experience that should be comforting, fun and thrilling – orgasmic, in fact. If it’s something you enter into with reservations, then you shouldn’t be there at all.

There are endless resources for submissives to teach themselves about the role, with my books being a great place to start. If you’re a total beginner, try How To Be Kinky, but if you’ve been in the kink world a long while, then why not take a workshop? You’ll learn things that will help you to express yourself and grow as a sub and as a generally better person. Don’t forget to shop at HUSTLER Hollywood for top of the line restraints and BDSM toys!

Now, with all that said….bend over.

About The Author

Lord Morpheous

Morpheous (Hons B.A., B.Ed) is a sex educator/author, photographer and kink consultant based in Toronto, Canada. His work is archived at the Sexual Representation Collection at the Bonham Centre for Sexual Diversity Studies at the University of Toronto, The Leather Archives of Chicago and the National Archives of Canada. He travels and presents across the Americas, Europe and Asia doing outreach to both academic and kink aware safer sex organizations.He is also the host of the world's largest single night public erotic Japanese Rope Bondage event during Nuit Blanche every year in Toronto, Canada.

 

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