As we all know, half the fun in BDSM is finding out where our boundaries are and giving them a little push.

Pushing boundaries in BDSM steers a kink experience into places you never imagined it would go. You might think that you would never enjoy sensation play – perhaps you’re particularly sensitive to the cold and hate the idea of having anything icy on your body at all, let alone in the midst of a sex scene. Give it a try, however, in a safe and consensual environment that you’re in control of, and you might find that approaching a fear of yours brings up intense feelings and makes your play scene even more enjoyable.

But how do we go about playing with these boundaries in a safe and sane way?

First of all, it’s important to note that there are hard limits and there are soft limits. Hard limits should never, ever be pushed; in fact, they should only ever be approached with extreme caution. It may be that someone has experienced a trauma that they don’t wish to revisit, or it may be simply that there’s somewhere they don’t want to go. You, as a respectable perv, should always adhere to this concept; just don’t go there.

Soft limits, however, are ones that we are happy to play with; to challenge and to push at a little, to see what happens.
Once you’ve identified which of your limits you might want to approach, talk it through with your Dom (or even your sub) and express where you want the experience to go. Discuss why you want to approach your limits and what you think might be too much for you.

Come up with a game plan for bringing this into your next play session, and allow yourself to prepare for it however you need to. And let yourself get a little excited, safe in the knowledge that if anything goes wrong, you can say stop and it will be heeded. After all, it’s meant to be a positive experience!

Finally, when it comes to giving your limits that first little push, don’t go too quickly; there’s always the next play session. If it gets too much, go back to something you enjoy, and make sure that you’re given the right amount of aftercare afterwards and an opportunity to talk about your feelings. If you didn’t enjoy it like you thought you might, express that to your partners and rest assured that you never have to go there again. If you did like it, however, plan to push a little harder next time – and be proud of yourself, because pushing boundaries is never an easy thing to do.

And then have some chocolate, because everyone deserves a treat.

About The Author

Lord Morpheous

Morpheous (Hons B.A., B.Ed) is a sex educator/author, photographer and kink consultant based in Toronto, Canada. His work is archived at the Sexual Representation Collection at the Bonham Centre for Sexual Diversity Studies at the University of Toronto, The Leather Archives of Chicago and the National Archives of Canada. He travels and presents across the Americas, Europe and Asia doing outreach to both academic and kink aware safer sex organizations.He is also the host of the world's largest single night public erotic Japanese Rope Bondage event during Nuit Blanche every year in Toronto, Canada.

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